Mission Spook Patrol.
Operation Ghost Hedge
Filed Report from the Bella Bureau of Investigation (B.B.I.)
Mission Designation: Operation Ghost Hedge
Lead Investigator: Bella, Director of the B.B.I.
Date: October 31st
Human Codename: “The Night of Costumed Chaos”
Primary Objective: Investigate treat-distribution anomalies, identify the source of aerial light phenomena, and secure perimeter against spectral invaders.
PHASE 1: THE GREAT TREAT BETRAYAL
The mission commenced under highly suspicious circumstances.
At approximately 18:00 hours, Subject Claire began depositing high-value edible assets into a large, orange, hollow gourd.
My tail thumped a strategic rhythm against the floor.
Finally, a reward for my ongoing commitment to sofa-based vigilance.
I was mistaken.
The Doorbell of Intrusion sounded. Claire opened the door to reveal—brace yourself—tiny, shape-shifting humans. Their faces were distorted, their scents synthetic, and they chanted a ritualistic phrase:
“Trick or treat!”
I issued a Level-3 Alert Bark.
Claire’s response was baffling. She rewarded the intruders with my assets.
I stared at her, transmitting a silent communiqué:
Claire. This is a catastrophic security failure. We do not negotiate with tiny masked terrorists.
Her only defense was a single, nonsensical word:
“Halloween.”
I have since logged “Halloween” as a Class-A Cognitive Hazard.
(It now ranks above The Vacuum Monster and The Squeaker-That-Won’t-Squeak on the B.B.I. threat board.)
PHASE 2: THE SKY WAR
Post-betrayal, the external environment became unstable. The sky itself began to shatter.
First, a loud POP!
I dove for cover beneath the coffee table.
This was no ordinary thunder. This was personal.
But then—colors.
Great blooming flowers of light: fizzing gold, furious red, mystical blue. They shimmered, sparkled, and dissolved like magic.
My ears swiveled, tracking every burst. The threat level remained high, but the spectacle… was magnificent.
“Are the sky-snacks exploding?” I whispered in awe.
(Official report: Unidentified Aerial Luminous Events—possibly hostile, definitely distracting.)
PHASE 3: CONFRONTATION ON PERIMETER PATROL
Our evening patrol confirmed my worst fears: the neighborhood had been compromised.
Lawns were patrolled by grinning gourds with internal flames (Pumpkin Sentinels).
Trees were occupied by clattering bone-beings (Skeleton Units—possibly failed jumpers).
And the air was thick with the scent of fear, mixed faintly with chocolate.
Then I saw it.
The primary anomaly.
Stretched across the Johnsons’ hedge was a vast, shimmering sheet depicting three translucent, waving entities.
Operation Ghost Hedge was officially underway.
I assumed a low, tactical stance.
“Halt! Identify yourselves!” I growled.
Claire tugged my leash.
“They’re just decorations, Bella. See? They’re friendly!”
Friendly? That’s what an expert manipulator would say.
I unleashed a volley of warning barks—authoritative, echoing, decisive. The ghosts remained silent. Mission success.
(Observation: Subject Claire also looked back twice. Suspicion confirmed.)
PHASE 4: AFTER-ACTION & DEBRIEF
Back at headquarters, Subject Claire presented a peace offering: one premium-grade biscuit shaped like a winged rodent.
I accepted it with the solemn dignity of an agent who has defended her territory against interdimensional invaders, aerial detonations, and an army of miniature negotiators in capes.
As I settled into my bed for post-mission recovery, I reflected on the data:
Humans engage in bewildering, high-risk rituals.
Their logic is deeply flawed.
Their costumes are alarming.
But any system that concludes with sparkly skies and bat-shaped biscuits…
is a system worth protecting.
FINAL MISSION REPORT
- Status: RESOUNDING SUCCESS
- Threats Identified: Costumed Mini-Humans, Aerial Detonations, Rival Skeleton Factions, Non-Corporeal Hedge Dwellers
- Casualties: One partially chewed bat biscuit (acceptable loss)
- Recommendation: Implement Bellaween for next cycle.
- Protocol: All doorbell-activated treats to be redirected to the B.B.I. Director’s bowl.
- The sparkly sky-show, however, may continue. It was… pretty cool.
Filed by: Bella, Director of the B.B.I.
Status: Mission complete. Perimeter secure. Spirits vanquished (probably).
CLASSIFIED HUMAN FOOTNOTE — Subject: Claire
“She barked at the pillowcase ghost for five minutes. I think she won.”
