Bella just loves to be chased. It’s just as well that she’s adorable or she’d be put up for adoption. (A Human’s Descent into Chaos)
Narrated by Claire
(Exhausted Human. Reluctant Chaser. Bella’s Favourite Victim.)
MISSION OBJECTIVE: SURVIVE THE DOG
It started like any other Thursday.
I was in the kitchen, minding my own business, reaching for the biscuit tin—my biscuit tin, the one I hide out of necessity behind the toaster because someone has a problem—when I felt it.
The stare.
Bella sat at my feet, eyes wide, tail thumping like a metronome set to “I am innocent.”
I knew that look. That was her “I’m about to ruin your day” face.
ACT I: THE HEIST
I turned my back for one second.
One. Second.
A metallic clang. A blur of caramel-coloured fluff. The distinct sound of a cymbal crashing directly onto my last nerve.
“BELLA!”
She had the lid. My lid. The one that actually fits the tin properly. And now it was gone, clamped in her smug little mouth as she bolted for the living room like she’d just looted the Crown Jewels.
Sophie, sprawled on the couch, didn’t even look up.
“She’s got the lid again.”
“I KNOW,” I hissed, already in hot pursuit.
ACT II: THE CHASE (AKA WHY IS SHE SO FAST??)
Bella’s strategy was simple:
- Run in unpredictable circles until at least one of us is dizzy.
- Drop the lid just as someone lunges for it.
- Snatch it back with a wiggle and a look of moral superiority.
- Repeat until someone cries.
“Just DROP IT!” I begged, skidding into the coffee table.
Bella paused, head cocked. Then—SPROING!—she kicked the lid across the room like a hockey puck from hell.
Sophie finally looked up.
“Oh my god, she’s playing with you.”
“I KNOW.”
ACT III: THE BETRAYAL
I tried diplomacy.
“Bella,” I cooed, voice as sweet as a poisoned cupcake.
“Drop it and you get a treat.”
She froze. Ears perked.
“Treat?”
“Yes. So many treats.”
She moved slowly, like a dramatic soap opera villain laying down a weapon. The lid touched the floor.
I reached—
PSYCH.
She snatched it back and zoomed under the couch, tail wagging like she’d just conned a government agency.
Sophie doubled over laughing.
“She played you. SHE PLAYED YOU.”
I collapsed face-first onto the rug.
“I hate it here.”
EPILOGUE: THE AFTERMATH
The lid was recovered.
Dented. Drool-coated. Spiritually violated.
Bella sprawled belly-up, smug as a toddler after a crayon wall mural.
Sophie was still laughing, scrolling through her camera roll.
“This is going on the internet.”
I stared at the ceiling.
“Why do we keep the biscuit tin at her level?”
Bella sighed, content.
Mission complete.
FINAL REPORT:
- Human Sanity: Rapidly eroding
- Biscuit Tin Lid: Listed as “Missing in Dignity”
- Bella’s Reign of Chaos: 100% operational
- Next Threat: Toilet Paper: Unspooled Edition
SIGNING OFF
😑 —Claire, Bella’s Disgraced Chaser
