FOMO Is an Out-of-Date Sat Nav. (It Only Takes You to Stressville)
FOMO whispers: “What if everyone’s having fun without you?”
Reality claps back: “What if ‘everyone’ is just pretending to enjoy an overpriced colonoscopy?” 😀
Let’s be honest—FOMO has the judgment of a moth who saw a bug zapper and yelled, “PARTY!” It tries to sell you on.
“Iconic” experiences
→ Translation: A three-hour brunch where the avocado toast costs €18 and the conversation costs your will to live. 😀
“Unmissable” events
→ Translation: A crowded room full of strangers, weak WiFi, and even weaker small talk. (“So… do you come here often?“No. Do you?” “Also, no.” [Sips warm prosecco]) 😀
“Life-changing” opportunities
→ Spoiler: It’s just someone’s podcast. (And they want you to pay to hear how they got rich selling a course on how to sell courses.) 😀
Meanwhile, what are you actually missing?
- Your couch’s world-famous “Pajama & Leftovers” Festival (Sponsored by Elastic Waistbands™).
- That exclusive event called “Silence—No RSVP Needed.” (Dress code: “Whatever, honestly.”)
- The elite club of people who don’t ask, “How much did that cost?”—because they just didn’t go.
So next time, FOMO screams, “GO! GO! GO!”—
Ask it: “Or what? I’ll be… well-rested? Unbothered? Happy?”
Then stay home.
Eat the snacks.
Let the world chase hype.
You chase naps.
P.S. The real VIP section is wherever you don’t have to wear pants. 🏆
