Someone insults you. Your ancestors whisper: “React.” Your ego screams: “Devastate them.” Your caffeine says: “Say something you’ll regret by lunch.”
Don’t. Try this instead:
- OBSERVE.
Notice the insult landing. Watch it arrive like a pigeon on your windowsill. Interesting. A pigeon. Not your problem. Carry on. - THINK.
Silently run the sorting test. Is this a random gobshite or someone who actually matters? - ACT.
Act deliberately. Not automatically.
Here’s the crucial bit most people miss:
· Random insult from a stranger / internet warrior / the fella who replies “well, actually” → Silence. Shrug. File under Gobshite, Certified. Their opinion is not a load-bearing wall in your life’s architecture. Don’t spend a reaction to buy a stranger’s bad mood.
· Feedback from someone who shares your bed, your home, or signs your payslips → Lean in. Silence here isn’t peace. It’s a time bomb with a nice ribbon on it. Observe what they actually said, not what your defences heard. Think: do they have a point? Is this about you, or are they just having a bad Tuesday? Then act: say the thing. Ask the question. Have the awkward conversation on purpose — before it has you by the throat at 2 a.m. (Sometimes the skilled move is still a short pause: “Let me think about that.” Temporary silence can be wise. Permanent silence usually isn’t.)
The gap between what happens to you and what you do about it is the only real estate you own outright. So make sure you’re spending your reactions where they actually buy something.
And the real skill was never being unbothered by everything. That’s not enlightenment — that’s a personality disorder with good branding.
The real skill is sorting.
Gobshites get your silence.
Your people get your attention.
Now go forth. Get insulted. Stay unbothered by the pigeons. Stay honest with the people who matter.
(P.S. “I didn’t hear you” still does not work on your boss. Some of us learned this the expensive way.)
